Miesha Tate’s Uterus
@Mike’s Twitter Machine
Miesha Tate has long dated UFC bantamweight, Bryan Caraway. They’ve been famous as one of the most high profile couples in MMA. Tate is pregnant. Caraway is not the father. Oops.
Or not oops. Who gives a crap? She announced on her Instagram that she’s expecting a child and referenced “Johnny.” It sounds like this isn’t a new relationship, but again: who cares? She can bone who she wants to bone and that’s that. Sure, she’s a celebrity, and I understand that part of the trade-off for fame and fortune is that us weirdos all get to speculate about her private life, and that’s partially why I’m writing all this (the other reason is because I’m bored), but: who cares?
It’s not like you or I were going to be sleeping with her anytime soon, much to the chagrin of my wiener, so let her F and S whatever D she wants (even a P, if that’s her thing) and I hope the kid is a good one. Not sure what a “good one” is for kids but, like, not missing chromosomes and all that. Those are important.
Though not as important as I thought. A friend’s cousin is apparently missing one but didn’t know it until recently when she was having trouble making a baby of her own. As she said, “I’m a walking retard.” Do you know how much money I’d give to find out my brother was missing a chromosome and I could legitimately call him retarded? A lot, that’s how much.
It’s like the time I learned that every subsequent child after the first born (me) is more likely to be gay, and so Brother Brian is, in fact, more likely to suck a big one than I am. And you thought this post would only be about Tate and her baby feeders preparing to live up to their name, didn’t you?
People say, “Mozel Tov” to news of children but I’m not Jewish so: make sure not to cut the foreskin too close to the tip. (Especially since she’s having a girl.)
Happy New Year everyone! 2016 & 2017 were crazy years full of transitions for me but I’m so happy where I’m at now moving into 2018. I have many things to be grateful for but one stands out in particular, you see there’s this man who has brought joy and happiness into my life in a way I’ve never known before, Johnny thank you for that. I’m proud to announce we are expecting a beautiful baby girl. Now you can sit and speculate… or you can just be happy for us. I’d like to ask that everyone respect the fact that (like we have been) we would like to continue to live our private lives primarily out of the media. I won’t comment on specifics so just know that I am very happy, very excited and my life has never felt so complete. Thank you all for the continued support on this crazy journey we call life!”
https://instagram.com/p/BdcBouVlt-G/
Miesha Tate is one of the best MMA fighters ever. She was unstoppable. I love her fights. Watched them hundreds of times.