***Disclaimer-once again this is a parody, and as real as Takada’s win over Mark Coleman. Direct any hate mail to firstname.lastname@example.org, Google Translator goes Portuguese to English so I’ll figure it out…
Lyoto Ma-Cheater – Exit The Dragon – #ComedySuplex
Sao Paulo, Brazil- The MMA world was stunned when the news was released that the last trusted Brazilian fighter, Lyoto “The Dragon” Machida admitted he was taking a banned over the counter supplement.
While Dan Henderson was angry at his would be opponent at UFC Fox19 for pulling out of their fight, several of Machida’s honorable Brazilian warriors came to his defense.
When Anderson Silva was asked to comment, after several needless head dodges and shimmy shakes he had this to say to our correspondent:
“Eet was ovah da countah so is legal!”
“Actually the substance was still banned even though it is available over the counter.”
“No eez okaaauy to buy from counter. Lyoto eez warrior, he just want help to make a baby.”
Silva then continued to shimmy and stick his chin out to our correspondent so we just ended the interview.
Former UFC Featherweight champion Jose Aldo was also reached for comment over the phone, after 75 minutes with our Portuguese translator listening to Aldo apparently his only quote was “Conor has no power, I will kill him.”
The last fighter to weigh in on Machida’s controversy was the legendary Wanderlei Silva who sat down with our reporter, pointed to the air and suddenly fled through the back door.
The substance in question is an over the counter supplement known as DHEA which is considered an anabolic agent. Machida said he was unaware it was banned so he pulled out of the fight.
Being of both Brazlian and Japanese descent, Machida was torn between fighting and lying about the substance or his Japanese heritage’s honor of Seppuku, a ritual self disembowelment after disgracing yourself and your family name.
He came to a compromise and simply pulled out of the fight, claiming he didn’t know it was banned and atoned for his family’s disgrace by forcing himself to watch Kimbo vs DaDa 5000 while eating store bought ramen noodles we believe to be beef flavored.