Jeunesse Arena
Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, Not America
Welcome to our UFC 212 Coverage. We hope you will enjoy it. We’re trying our best, we think.
WHO WINS UFC 212 MAIN-EVENT?
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UFC 212 FREE LIVE STREAM (of consciousness) aka UFC 212 RESULTS
MAIN CARD (PPV)
José Aldo (c) vs. Max Holloway (ic)
Featherweight Title Unification
What Happened?
– Max looks much bigger. Aldo clubs Holloway with punches. Max is hurt. He’s moving away as he looks for his bearings. Max standing right in front of Aldo, but Aldo has his chin a little high.
– Aldo just hits so so hard. Max holding his hands and throwing like a Diaz. Taunting Aldo. Getting booed in the process. Aldo finished with a stunning combo that started off a spinny kick.
– Aldo’s mouth is open. He’s looking tired and Max is still sharp. He DROPS ALDO DEAD WITH A RIGHT HAND. MOUNT. PUNCHES. ALDO IS DEAD MAN WALKING. OR SHRIMPING. Mount. Punches. Aldo’s ability to survive here by moving is impressive. Max won’t stop. Back take. He gives it up. Pounding again. Aldo will NOT quit. Jeezuz, he’s tough. Back take. Punches. IT IS OVER!!!!!
– And the bigoted crowd goes “………….”
UFC 212 WINNER: MAX HOLLOWAY, R3, TKO
Should You Watch UFC 212 for This Fight?
Hell yeah
Cláudia Gadelha vs. Karolina Kowalkiewicz
Women’s Strawweight
What Happened?
– Claudia looks skinnier than normal. Claudia drags it down off of double underhooks. Looking to take the back. And does. Choke? TAP!
– That was fucking perfect.
UFC 212 WINNER: Cláudia Gadelha, R1, sub
Should You Watch UFC 212 for This Fight?
You know it.
Vitor Belfort vs. Nate Marquardt
Middleweight
What Happened?
– Will this be the last time we ever see Belfort? I wanna type nothing bc I suspect this is some death KO situation and am waiting. And waiting. And waiting.
– Victor flurry two minutes into the second! Nate survives it. Then: waiting. And waiting. Some Nate punch got through and Vitor is bleeding. But: waiting.
– Is this the last ever round of the legendary career of a poor Brazilian with brain damage?! And … waiting. And waiting. And waiting. AND WAITING AND WAITING AND WAITING. YOU ASSHOLES. I mean, at least Vitor isn’t flopping on his back. I guess. Belfort is throwing a few hard shots that sorta matter. I guess. Gonna be close because of ALL THE FUCKING WAITING.
UFC 212 WINNER: Belfort, dec.
Then Vitor said he isn’t retiring and will have five more fights. ::eyeroll::
Should You Watch UFC 212 for This Fight?
Paulo Borrachinha vs. Oluwale Bamgbose
Middleweight
What Happened?
– Paul vs Olu is how this will be written Bc … come on, man. Olu was forced to cut his toe nails at cage side. That’s embarrassing on so many levels. Someone couldn’t have checked backstage? Also: that can’t be sanitary. Olu has some CRAZY change of levels and chaining of techniques. Cruz is calling for Paul to take over in two minutes Bc he suspects Olu will gas. Olu’s style could indeed tire a man. Kick to the body hurt Olu. Paul kicks like a mule on coke. And steroids. This is some legendary body work from Paul. He’s uppercutting a shovel into the stomach of Olu. Olu is somehow taking this and gets a TD!
– Olu starts the second by throwing an overhead double punch. Like Donkey Kong. The Paul drops him with a strike and pounds the fuck out of him like Olu is a 45 year old, 20 year porn star vet needing that extra $50.
UFC 212 WINNER: Paulo Borrachinha, R2, KO
Should You Watch UFC 212 for This Fight?
For fucking sure.
Erick Silva vs. Yancy Medeiros
Welterweight
What Happened?
Yancy looked great. He dropped Silva in the first, though he also got stunned. In the second, Yancy with a big left hook floored Silva. He followed up and while Silva protested the stoppage, it was close enough to be fair.
UFC 212 WINNER: Yancy, R2, KO
Should You Watch UFC 212 for This Fight?
Yes.
Note: DUE TO MIKE BEING AT YALE, HA!, I AM STARTING WITH THE PPV RESULTS. THIS WILL MAKE NO SENSE WHEN READ IN A DAY.
UFC 212 FREE LIVE STREAM (of consciousness) aka UFC 212 RESULTS
Preliminary Card (Fox Sports 1)
Raphael Assunção vs. Marlon Moraes
Bantamweight
What Happened?
UFC 212 WINNER:
Should You Watch UFC 212 for This Fight?
Antônio Carlos Júnior vs. Eric Spicely
Middleweight
What Happened?
UFC 212 WINNER:
Should You Watch UFC 212 for This Fight?
Johnny Eduardo vs. Matthew Lopez
Bantamweight
What Happened?
UFC 212 WINNER:
Should You Watch UFC 212 for This Fight?
Iuri Alcântara vs. Brian Kelleher
Bantamweight
What Happened?
UFC 212 WINNER:
Should You Watch UFC 212 for This Fight?
UFC 212 FREE LIVE STREAM (of consciousness) aka UFC 212 RESULTS
Preliminary Card (UFC Fight Pass)
Leonardo Santos vs. Olivier Aubin-Mercier
Lightweight
What Happened?
UFC 212 WINNER:
Should You Watch UFC 212 for This Fight?
Viviane Pereira vs. Jamie Moyle
Women’s Strawweight
What Happened?
UFC 212 WINNER:
Should You Watch UFC 212 for This Fight?
Luan Chagas vs. Jim Wallhead
Welterweight
What Happened?
UFC 212 WINNER:
Should You Watch UFC 212 for This Fight?
Marco Beltrán vs. Deiveson Alcântara
Flyweight
What Happened?
UFC 212 WINNER:
Should You Watch UFC 212 for This Fight?
Quick & Dirty UFC 212 FREE LIVE STREAM (of consciousness) aka UFC 212 RESULTS
(Winner in BOLD)
- Featherweight José Aldo (c) vs. Max Holloway (ic)
- Women’s Strawweight Cláudia Gadelha vs. Karolina Kowalkiewicz
- Middleweight Vitor Belfort vs. Nate Marquardt
- Middleweight Paulo Borrachinha vs. Oluwale Bamgbose
- Welterweight Erick Silva vs. Yancy Medeiros
- Bantamweight Raphael Assunção vs. Marlon Moraes
- Middleweight Antônio Carlos Júnior vs. Eric Spicely
- Bantamweight Johnny Eduardo vs. Matthew Lopez
- Bantamweight Iuri Alcântara vs. Brian Kelleher
- Lightweight Leonardo Santos vs. Olivier Aubin-Mercier
- Women’s Strawweight Viviane Pereira vs. Jamie Moyle
- Welterweight Luan Chagas vs. Jim Wallhead
- Flyweight Marco Beltrán vs. Deiveson Alcântara
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