Jerry Land
I know, you’ve read the quote elsewhere by now. Fuck off. I don’t care. I wanna write a piece about it.
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Though I’m knowledgeable about them, due to my being knowledgeable about all things, I tend not to write too much about mainstream sports. Other talented men do that for HG, be it our awesome football rankings or the lads at Power Hour Sports, and so I’m free to devote my limited resources to other endeavors.
But Jerry Jones is worth all of the attentions because Jerry Jones is a god. An evil god, maybe, but still a god.
When Jones learned that Ezekiel Elliot would be suspended for 6 games, he lost it. From the ESPN piece that’s become all the talk:
THERE WAS A PAUSE. It was Aug. 9, inside Roger Goodell’s sixth-floor office at the NFL’s Park Avenue headquarters in New York City — down the hall, past the executives’ offices and his assistant’s desk, and through a large, thick wooden door that is both imposing and usually left open to serve as a welcome. Goodell huddled over a speakerphone with general counsel Jeff Pash. On the other end was Jerry Jones. Adhering to the protocol of giving owners a 48-hour heads-up before a major disciplinary issue involving their team is announced, Goodell and Pash informed Jones that after a 13-month domestic violence inquiry, the Dallas Cowboys’ star running back, Ezekiel Elliott, would face punishment — a six-game suspension.
The line went quiet. Seconds passed. Goodell’s decision was an unconscionable violation of trust, Jones later told associates, because he believed that the commissioner had assured him this past spring that there would be no suspension. Jones saw in Elliott a genuine opportunity, a player so good that he had made Jones believe that this year he just might win a Super Bowl for the first time since 1996. His anger was palpable. Finally, according to sources with direct knowledge of the call, Jones broke the silence. He aimed his words not only at Goodell’s decision but also at his role as judge, jury and executioner in the case.
“I’m gonna come after you with everything I have,” Jones said. Then he mentioned Deflategate. “If you think Bob Kraft came after you hard, Bob Kraft is a pussy compared to what I’m going to do.”
That’s how the super powerful behave, they drop calm and reasoned threats, the kind that make a guy like Goodell, who makes tens of millions of dollars a year to be shit at his job, let out a little pee. Jones was probably being blown by a 23 year old Guatemalan as he prepared a line of coke while this all happened.
But this is only awesome because Goodell and the NFL are such douchebags. Think about that: the NFL as an organization is so shitty that most people read that and cheer. Hey!, Jones is sticking it to The Man, right? Except that the reason he’s mad is because he won’t win a football game because Elliot is a fucking monster who absolutely should be suspended.
There’s credible evidence – maybe not enough to convict in a criminal court but enough to say its more likely than not he did it – that he repeatedly slammed his “friends with benefits” (her words) into walls. She told police that he’d get jealous and drunk and grab her so hard bruises were left, before he thudded her against the wall.
Elliot’s defense team said that perhaps she fell down the stairs. Jeezuz, people. Does Elliot have the same PR people as Weinstein? and Spacey? and Moore? and Franken? and – I have to stop because this could go on all day.
This happened on numerous occasions. Elliot has since been accused of punching a man at a bar, so I don’t think he gets the benefit of the doubt here. Fuck him, he should be suspended. He’s already made north of $15 million in his brief career, so double fuck him. And Jones for going so hard in defending this piece of shit. And fuck the NFL and Goodell just because they’re the NFL and Goodell.
Still a badass line, though.
