As President Trump continues to improve our country by boosting the economy, lowering our number of Covid 19 cases, and being un-nice to crime, The Donald has formulated a new plan to combat a long standing problem in our country.
Trump will virtually eliminate teen pregnancy in our country by asking women to stop taking pregnancy tests.
“If we stopped testing for pregnancies now we’d have very few, cases if any. I think the testing is overrated even though I’ve created the greatest pregnancy testing machine in history.” Trump said during an interview with Halfguarded
“I mean why do we need tests? They make us look bad. Kids want to do well on tests, so if they know they have to take a pregnancy test, their gonna get pregnant so they can pass. Plus, if It says you’re pregnant and then the baby dies after I pay someone to push you down a flight of stairs because I don’t want anyone knowing I’m sleeping with you, then you’re not pregnant anymore! The lame stream media doesn’t report that. Also, once you give birth, you’re not pregnant anymore. CNN won’t report that the teen isn’t pregnant anymore, they’ll have you thinking a young healthy woman will stay pregnant forever!”
When asked what he thinks the root cause of teen pregnancy is, Trump blamed China and President Obama. “We have these Chinese sperm coming over from China and impregnating our youth because Obama wasn’t tough on trade! He let China walk all over him.”
Vice President Pence also blamed Obama. “I mean, think about it. Obama walked around in those tight pants, form fitting shirts, and hot sunglasses. Of course the pregnancy rate went up. How could you not want to let your boyfriend bust inside you with such a sexy piece of man running this country. President Obama’s policies raised more than just concern for me if you know what I mean!”
Vice President Pence winked and elbow nudged me right after he made that comment. It was rather uncomfortable.
Trump doubled down on his new plan when he tweeted:
“We have so many teen pregnancies because our testing is so great it’ll tell people they are pregnant even if they’re just a little pregnant. So if we stop testing the cases will go down! Simple! These pregnancies came from China. The Cum Flu as I call them LAW&ORDERSVU!!!”
Do you think Chris is funny?
- Yes (38%, 1,123 Votes)
- No (34%, 1,005 Votes)
- Grilled cheese (29%, 862 Votes)
Yeah, okay it’s kind of funny. It would be funnier if I didn’t actually believe it for a second. I mean seriously, I wouldn’t put it past him