Goddam! I was so fucking close to having this shit under control! I had the Lithium and the Vraylar on board, my anti-depressants were working, and everything seemed to be fine… NOW, I can’t fucking sleep. I’m on day four of less than six hours of sleep. I feel tired but restless. Sleeping hurts.
Lithium can cause nausea, diarrhea, dizziness, muscle weakness, fatigue, and a dazed feeling. These unwanted side effects often improve with continued use. Lithium can also cause fine tremors, frequent urination, thirst, weight gain and swelling from excess fluid.
Out of those I have nausea, diarrhea, fatigue, muscle spasm, the pee-pees, and the drinkees. The diarrhea has been a lifelong issue. Everything else is new. The most aggravating one is the tremors. I’m like Michael J. Fox and Muhammad Ali inside! I know that’s kind of a mean joke, but hey, I have a mental disorder. LOLZ for LIFE! If you think that joke is bad, just wait for HG’s first annual NAZI week.
These are the side effects for Vraylar:
- extrapyramidal symptoms (muscle spasms, muscle rigidity, tremor, jerking movements) (YES)
- agitation (YES)
- indigestion (YES)
- nausea (YES)
- vomiting (NO)
- sleepiness (NO)
- restlessness (YES)
- weight gain (YES)
Sure, I have five out of seven, but only one is killing me and that’s the extrapyramidal symptoms of muscle spasms. I already am a person who suffers from facial ticks, (I first remember having the ticks in kindergarten, when I used to lick my neck and shoulders. Ya, you read that right.) but this medicine has made them worse. And despite being incredibly uncomfortable, it’s horrifically embarrassing. I’ve now developed a stutter and a throat clearing tick to go along with my hard blinking and swallowing.
What’s worse is that I’m totally aware of them. Previously I really wasn’t. I’d hard blink or bite down and no one would notice or think much of it because it was rare and it just looked like a random twitch. Now, it’s everyday, all the time. Totally embarrassing. What’s worse is that between 0-100 people are going to read this and make fun of me @PeachMachine @ChairmanofGuam @ParkingCone @HendosFoodBlog (I follow back).
Motherfucker. It’s been about four days now and I’m awake as fuck! I’m clearly in a hypomania, but shouldn’t that be impossible? Isn’t the medicine supposed to fix this? Each night, I wake up after about four hours and then that’s it. I lie in bed awake for the rest of the night, struggling to get back to sleep via any possible method. I mean any method. I’m chugging cough syrup at this point, and not just because I love its delicious syrupy taste. I usually save my Robi-tripping for half days during Sophomore year of high school, when I really wanna see purple puke. I’m not above going down that path again, but that’s not the issue.
I can’t sleep. It’s three AM and I wanna go to be’eh’ed! Thank you O.A.R.
It’s no wonder I’m the guy who cares the most, talks the biggest, and follows through the most often. I have intense focus. When I’m hypomanic, I can get N-2-A puzzle. I can write for hours… and boy do I think I’m writing Shakespeare. While it is true that I sometimes do type the word Shakespeare, I don’t think Shakespeare used the word “mangina” quite as often; let’s call it half as often. I’d love to see what pubes looked like in Billy Shakespeare’s time.
For real though, I get super pissed at my friends when they don’t follow through, because if I have a goal in mind, or some project (usually a prank or a script) I want to pull off, I make it happen. I once made a series of pipe bombs in an attempt to blow up the radio antennae towers near my home because I thought they were poisoning us. Luckily, the Anarchist’s cook book copy I was using wasn’t very clear about what chemicals to use if you couldn’t get your hands on any thermite. I believe I was actually making the match head bomb, but I digress, so as to not get sent to Guantanamo, as much as I love gun barrels being jammed up my rectum… I once had an air jammer road rammer match box toy rammed up my ass as a four year old. Just kids being kids. Locker room talk. Yadda yadda yadda. Babeep babeep babeep.
So Peach, what’s this fucking 3rd part about? You’re rambling on like a 70’s rockstar…
As I mentioned earlier, I’m currently in a hypomanic state, thus this amazing flow of verbiage spewing forth… and about the only alternative left to keep me from further spewing forth: Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT)… It may be time. I’m going to give it another month, but I’m not having success with the medicine anymore. I can’t live in bipolar hell. I can’t live in side effect purgatory. I have to find heaven, because that’s what it feels like when everything is going smoothly and I’m well balanced. I don’t get to experience it often, but the week I had where I felt normal without side effects, was truly a reason to live. This present existence is not.
I’m ready.
And fuck anyone who asks you for your top picks of anything and says, “Give me your Mount Rushmore of _________.” Fuck you. You’re on my Mount Rushmore of “Can’t come up with a unique analogy.”
FYI: This is how to make a thermite bomb. Do it. It’s awesome. It’ll burn through motherfucking railroad tracks fast. Make a batch and light it off in a dumpster. Run like fuck. Don’t look at it directly.
- Obtain finely powdered iron oxide (rust), aluminum powder, and a thin strip of magnesium. …
- Mix the aluminum and iron oxide powder together in a 27:80 ratio by weight. …
- Pour the mixture into a strong container, such as a cast iron container or clay flower pot. …
- Insert the magnesium strip.
- Obtain a torch that can light magnesium.
- Light that bitch.
