Pepsi Center
Denver, Colorado
Hi. This is the best UFC PBP/coverage you will ever read. Why would I lie?? Huh?!?!? WHY???????!? Oh, right, my life long habit of lying. Well, this will still be the best you ever read, I’m sure of it. It will be fun and insightful with good jokes and swearing.
Thanks for reading this thing this far – I promise it gets better. I also break my promises, btw. And lie. But maybe I was lying about breaking my promises? But breaking a promise is a form of lying. This all gets very confusing so don’t overthink it.
UFC on Fox 23: Shevchenko vs. Peña Results and Free Live Stream of Consciousness Recap
MAIN CARD – BIG FOX
Valentina Shevchenko vs. Julianna Peña
Women’s Bantamweight
What Happened?
Holy balls. No. Holy uterus. Valentine dominated the first round with her takedowns and top control. In the 2d, she was taken down but threw her hips up, grabbed an arm, let Pena try to rotate but had her hips follow. Belly down armbar. Tap. Impressive as hell.
WINNER: Valentina Shevchenko, R2, sub
Should You Watch?
Yes.
Donald Cerrone vs. Jorge Masvidal
Welterweight
What Happened?
Masvidal dropped Cowboy near the end of round one. He hit the body and then followed it up with a right hand that would’ve maybe finished Cerrone if the fight went 5 more seconds. We have a fight! The in the second, Masvidal dropped Cerrone briefly with a left hook. Cerrone was hurt but stood up. Masvidal then pounded the body repeatedly and Herb Dean stopped it. Honestly, I think that was a poor stoppage.
WINNER: Masvidal, R2, TKO
Should You Watch?
YES, EVEN THOUGH it was a bad stoppage. (Ignore the random caps.)
Andrei Arlovski vs. Francis Ngannou
Heavyweight
What Happened?
Frenchie killed him dead. First round. He landed a shot immediately. Maybe a minute in. He crushed the legendarily shitty chin of Arlovski. Death.
WINNER: Ngannou, R1, KO
Should You Watch?
Alex Caceres vs. Jason Knight
Featherweight
What Happened?
Knight owned. Eventually got it down in the second. Took the back. Choke. Dominant overall.
WINNER: Knight, R2, sub
Should You Watch?
Sure.
UFC on Fox 23: Shevchenko vs. Peña Results and Free Live Stream of Consciousness Recap
Preliminary Card (Fox Sports 1)
Nate Marquardt vs. Sam Alvey
Middleweight
What Happened?
They went three rounds. By the end of the fight the entire crowd was blowing because it was that much crap. That’s all you need to know. It was on the feet, nobody did anything damaging, life came to a standstill at one point.
WINNER: Alvey, dec.
Should You Watch?
Raphael Assunção vs. Aljamain Sterling
Bantamweight
What Happened?
Sterling has been kicked in the cock multiple times. Not Raf’s fault as black men have big penises. Duh. Ref didn’t actually believe the second cock punt. Raf looking to load up with his right hand. This is devolved into a boring point fighting shit fest. It’s not fun. They’re fighting and being smart and all that stuff but … yawn. The crowd is booing so I know I’m justified in my opinion.
WINNER: Assuncao, dec.
Should You Watch?
(That means no.)
Bobby Nash vs. Li Jingliang
Welterweight
What Happened?
One of these two cuts weight, the other is Chinese. Li has a Mongolian looking jaw. Lit doing way better on the feet and then BOOM! Nash drops him hard. He jumps on a choke. I swear Li tapped but apparently not. Nash keeps fighting for it but doesn’t have the hooks. He gives up on it and mounts. Li survives. Then in the second, Li knocks the fuck out of Nash. (Insert A Beautiful Mind joke.)
WINNER: Li, R2, KO
Should You Watch?
Luis Henrique da Silva vs. Jordan Johnson
Light Heavyweight
What Happened?
Johnson dominated. His wrestling was the difference. He’d use it to keep things awkward at times and strike but mostly imposed it on Silva as he slowly sapped the life from the Brazilian. It was your classic grinding affair. You could just see a man’s will to live fade.
WINNER: Johnson, dec
Should You Watch?
Eric Spicely vs. Alessio Di Chirico
Middleweight
What Happened?
A very quick first round triangle from Spicely. I think this was all of two minutes. He missed a takedown and then quickly locked in the choke.
WINNER: Spicely, R1, sub
Should You Watch?
Yup.
Jason Gonzalez vs. J.C. Cottrell
Lightweight
What Happened?
This was fun. Cottrell was mostly dominant early, as he got on top and controlled. They then scrambled and Gonzalez lockedin a d’Arce for the first round tap.
WINNER: Gonzalez, R1,sub.
Should You Watch?
Sure!!!!
UFC on Fox 23: Shevchenko vs. Peña Results and Free Live Stream of Consciousness Recap
Preliminary Card (UFC Fight Pass)
Marcos Rogério de Lima vs. Kimball
Light Heavyweight
What Happened?
Lima blasted him with some giant gnp and that was it, after a grazing punch put the late replacement Kimball on the floor.
WINNER: LIMA, R1, KO
Should You Watch?
Sure.
Alexandre Pantoja vs. Eric Shelton
Flyweight
What Happened?
Pantoja didn’t come out to Pantera so he failed. Pantera got the back but didnt finish as Shelton was patient and escaped. That was most of the first round. Shelton showing more skills on the feet and a much better wrestling game. Shelton has his last name tattooed across his shoulder blades. That will be helpful to identify his body or if he plays on the skins teams in shirts vs skins. Pantoja keeps diving for guilotines, coming close, but Shelton escapes like Houdini. Or whichever is your favorite escape artist. (whoever is your favorite…) Shelton tiring a bit and it allows El Pantera to get the back. Choke? Maybe…. NO! Pantoja with some AWESOME control and riding as he maintains mount after a hard buck then gets the back again. Round ends though. ROUND THREE! They’re both exhausted. This was mostly all on the feet with each guy kinda powering up here and there for a few moments of explosion.
WINNER: Pantoja, dec.
(They took a loooooong time doing basic math.)
Should You Watch?
Quick & Dirty UFC on Fox 23: Shevchenko vs. Peña Results
(Winner in Bold)
- Women’s Bantamweight Valentina Shevchenko vs. Julianna Peña
- Welterweight Donald Cerrone vs. Jorge Masvidal
- Heavyweight Andrei Arlovski vs. Francis Ngannou
- Featherweight Alex Caceres vs. Jason Knight
- Middleweight Nate Marquardt vs. Sam Alvey
- Bantamweight Raphael Assunção vs. Aljamain Sterling
- Welterweight Bobby Nash vs. Li Jingliang
- Light Heavyweight Luis Henrique da Silva vs. Jordan Johnson
- Middleweight Eric Spicely vs. Alessio Di Chirico
- Lightweight Jason Gonzalez vs. J.C. Cottrell
- Light Heavyweight Marcos Rogério de Lima vs. Kimball
- Flyweight Alexandre Pantoja vs. Eric Shelton
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