What may be the first in a possible series that shows us Brits don’t take a backseat to anyone when it comes to having really fucked up traditions and customs.
Britain has done great things for the world. We’ve given you all Shakespeare, The Beatles, James Bond, the Internet and the Chocolate Bar and for all this and more you are welcome.
Like with Cheese Rolling.
You see the TV show Jack Ass may have been revolutionary over in America, but in Britain our citizens have been injuring themselves doing deliberately stupid shit since the early 1800’s. Every year on a bank holiday the small village of Brockworth plays host to a day of Cheese Rolling, where a 9lb disc shaped double Gloucester is rolled down the near by Cooper’s Hill. The “competitor’s” or dumb fuckers chase after the cheese, with the wild eyed glee reminiscent of Matt Hughes chasing after a fat Hog’s ass.
The aim of the competition is to catch the cheese, which the laws of science has proved to be practically impossible, especially as Cooper’s hill has a steep 1:2 gradient (I have no idea what this actually means but looking at videos it’s fucking steep, like practically a straight down drop). It’s virtually impossible to even walk down and keep your feet so most of these goofs take about three steps before going arse over tit and spending the rest of their descent uncontrollably bouncing off one vital limb after another.
So what awaits the first down the hill? The Prize for which competitors put their concussion free brains and perfectly whole bones on the line for? Well the cheese of course. That’s after it’s retrieved from which ever spectator it’s crashed into at 70mph (Because of this a foam replica cheese was used for several years, but ditched because I guess chasing after foam was considered really stupid).
Recent years have seen the event under threat on safety grounds. Not for the actual safety of those throwing their bodies down the hill (cos really who gives a fuck, although it most be galling for ambulance drivers having to ferry these fuckwits to hospital every year), but because of concerns over issues brought about by the large crowds that attend the events.
Yep Cheese Rolling attracts thousands of followers, who are not put off by the lack of it being officially licensed. In fact there was outrage in 2011 when organisers attempted to conduct the event under better supervision and charge an entrance fee a plan that prompted abuse and threats of violence.
Cheese Rolling fans will never stand for their sport going corporate and it remains an unofficial, unsanctioned act of rebellion.
There is some debate over the origins and meaning of the occasion, with some citing a Pagan ritual meant to…..oh for Fucks sake, what does it matter? It’s a bunch of pissed up idiots tumbling down a hill and hurting themselves.
To which I say “carry on you barmy bastards!” Because to me Cheese Rolling is like watching Matadors getting gored, in that it’s one of the few occasions where it’s ok to be entertained and laugh at people getting maimed for life because it’s their own damn fault.
I’m not a Cheese Roller, I don’t support Cheese rolling but I would fight to the death for their right to do it……actually no I wouldn’t.