The He-Man Woman Haters Club
Comedy isn’t easy. Being a woman isn’t easy. Being a female comedian isn’t easy. At least that’s what I thought for a long time, until the Huffington Post made sure I was Scared Cis.
Christopher Hitchens – a personal hero of mine – once wrote a scathing piece for Vanity Fair that claimed women aren’t funny. He got shit on, hard, for the piece, but this isn’t about that. I only brought it up because whenever someone talks about women and comedy, its referenced and I figured I should let people know that, yes, I do know about it, but, no, this isn’t that.
See, what had happened was … I get a text from a friend saying that every week the Huffington Post writes a post featuring the funniest tweets from women. Funny is funny and I’m kind of a sucker for seeing more women in man areas (sup, Target bathrooms), so good for HuffPo, I thought. Then I read the tweets and they do more to set back women than <insert topical reference here.>
There are 974 million people on twitter According to the Huffington Post (they’re on a roll today), 60% of them are women. These are the twenty funniest things said by those 584 million women.
Once again the gynecology nurse does not appreciate when I say “giving ya the ol’ razzle dazzle” while putting my feet in the stirrups
— katie (indoors) (@katefeetie) October 22, 2017
It would be funnier if she said, “Give it the ol’ razzle dazzle.”
Just sitting around being sacred today, as women do.
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) October 21, 2017
Is the joke that women aren’t sacred?
telling me to stop posting political things is the equivalent of telling me to smile more, thank you! *smiles so hard all my teeth shatter*
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) October 22, 2017
It’s good advice your mother gives you?
Them: You need to listen to your body more.
Body: You're old. And you want pizza.— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) October 23, 2017
doctor: eating popeyes everyday will kill you
me: pic.twitter.com/tp0EeuMwjV
— ziwe (@ziwe) October 22, 2017
These two just made the same joke.
*flosses for the first time in 6 months* that should fool the dentist today
— Erica (@SCbchbum) October 23, 2017
can you imagine losing and having to talk about it after? like I lose all the time and I just shut up and pretend I didn't lose
— chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) October 26, 2017
“Gals, we’re doing a piece on the funniest things women have tweeted and need some more.”
“Did you check all the supermodels’ accounts?”
https://twitter.com/WhitneyCummings/status/923663530888282112?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.huffingtonpost.com%2Fentry%2Fthe-20-funniest-tweets-from-women-this-week_us_59ede4f1e4b00f08619ff9b5
Unless it was a slow week, HuffPo is throwing some passive aggressive shade in choosing *this* tweet as an example of Whitney being funny.
Inventing a delivery app that brings your delivery person on time. Finds them at their restaurant, tells them to stop chatting, pokes them.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) October 26, 2017
UberEats?
I'm a lady on the streets but a silly fake ghost in the sheets
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) October 24, 2017
I actually thought this was good.
'Just In Timber Lake' sounds like the slogan for a campground holding its annual swingers retreat
— Randi Lawson (@RandiLawson) October 23, 2017
As in, “Just in the butt”? Is that the joke? Really?
When the Cable Guy gets to your house at 4:58pm in your "12pm-5pm" window… pic.twitter.com/CkZrDHpfUy
— Julie Rasmussen (@JulieRasmussen) October 23, 2017
Do one about airplane food next!
If you’ve never pulled your pants up before your underwear then we have nothing in common.
— SHANtilly Lace (@theshantilly) October 24, 2017
Today I went into my purse to pay my therapist and a bag of shredded cheese fell out
— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) October 25, 2017
Maybe the punchline is in another tweet?
I like to plan my outfit for dropping the kids off at school.
In fact, I often choose it the night before.
They're called "pajamas".— Marlantined (@Marlebean) October 24, 2017
One *effective* way to fight the patriarchy is to call men named Brian “Bree-anne”
— Anna Drezen (@annadrezen) October 25, 2017
Nothing sticks it to the man like not knowing how to read.
https://twitter.com/ChloeAngyal/status/923201951000678401?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.huffingtonpost.com%2Fentry%2Fthe-20-funniest-tweets-from-women-this-week_us_59ede4f1e4b00f08619ff9b5
Do the color of one’s tights not matter during the other seasons?
bought my dog a halloween costume so he peed on the store floor fair enough my friend but you’re still gonna be a cute fucking shark
— lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) October 26, 2017
I laughed at this one too.
You’re not so hot yourself, buddy.