After enduring a wave of criticism from the country for not wearing a mask during his first trip to the Mayo Clinic Covid-19 ward in Rochester Minnesota, Vice President Mike Pence apologized and decided to wear a mask for his second visit. Donning his self professed “favorite mask in the world” Vice President Pence shocked the staff, patients, and media on hand at the Mayo Clinic by wearing a BDSM “Gimp” mask generally associated with and worn by men while having objects and or body parts shoved in and out of their anus while they are demeaned and belittled.
“I’m not sure he knows we know what that’s for.” Said one anonymous staff member. “He tried to tell me that’s what the navy seals wear during chemical attacks.”
When asked why he chose this mask to protect others from contracting Covid-19 The Vice President has this to say:
“Well as you all know this mask serves two purposes, it’s worn by those handsome tight bodied Navy Seals when they are under chemical attack, and it’s also the mask Joshua wore as he guided the children of Israel through Jericho.”
“That’s definitely not true.” One reported shouted, Pence ignored the comment and continued on as robotic and creepily as you’d expect.
“I often wear this mask when I sneak out of the house by myself to get snacks at the local rest stops.”
“Sir you should probably stop talking now.” Said one of his advisers.
“No don’t be silly, of course I mean I did this BEFORE the pandemic, duuuh. Anyway, I’d wear these out for my midnight snack runs and it turns out it’s a great way to make new friends in bathrooms. They even give me cute nicknames like their “Filthy cum glove” and their “Little tight ass rectal clam.” I don’t know what they mean but it’s just good old fashioned heterosexual joking around.”
“OK NO MORE QUESTIONS! EVER!” yelled his top adviser as secret service whisked him away and ended the press briefing and tour of the facility.