• MMA News
  • Entertainment
    • Luke Evans Upcoming Movies
      • Dracula Untold 2
      • Immortals 2
      • The Three Musketeers 2
      • Beauty and the Beast 2
      • Lord of the Rings Streaming Series
      • No One Lives 2
      • High Rise 2
    • Adam Sandler Upcoming Movies
      • Grown Ups 3
      • Happy Gilmore 2
      • Billy Madison 2
      • The Do-Over 2
      • Sandy Wexler 2
    • Nicolas Cage Upcoming Movies
      • National Treasure 3
      • Ghost Rider 3
      • Con Air 2
      • The Croods 2
      • The Croods 3
      • The Sorcerer’s Apprentice 2
      • Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse 2
      • Drive Angry 2
      • Season of the Witch 2
    • Kevin Hart Upcoming Movies
      • Central Intelligence 2
      • Night School 2
      • Get Hard 2
      • The Secret Life of Pets 2
      • The Secret Life of Pets 3
    • Alex Pettyfer Upcoming Movies
      • I Am Number 4 Sequel
      • In Time 2 / About Time 2
    • Will Smith Upcoming Movies
      • Hancock 2
      • I Am Legend 2
      • Suicide Squad 2
      • Wild Wild West 2
      • Bright Sequel
      • Independence Day 3
    • Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson Movies
      • Skyscraper 2
      • Moana 2
      • Rampage 2
      • Baywatch 2
      • Hurricane Heist 2
    • Upcoming Movies
      • Jack Reacher 3
      • Chappie 2
      • District 9 Sequel
      • Belko Experiment 2
      • Taken 4
      • Battleship 2
      • The Commuter 2
      • Ice Age 6
      • Looper 2
      • Sleepless 2
      • Horrible Bosses 3
      • Vampire Academy 2
      • Zombieland 2
      • Jumper 2
      • John Wick 4
      • Salt 2
      • Night at the Museum 4
      • Goonies 2
  • The Other Half
  • Podcasts
  • Store
    • Cart
    • Checkout
HalfGuarded
Advertisement
  • MMA News
  • Entertainment
    • Luke Evans Upcoming Movies
      • Dracula Untold 2
      • Immortals 2
      • The Three Musketeers 2
      • Beauty and the Beast 2
      • Lord of the Rings Streaming Series
      • No One Lives 2
      • High Rise 2
    • Adam Sandler Upcoming Movies
      • Grown Ups 3
      • Happy Gilmore 2
      • Billy Madison 2
      • The Do-Over 2
      • Sandy Wexler 2
    • Nicolas Cage Upcoming Movies
      • National Treasure 3
      • Ghost Rider 3
      • Con Air 2
      • The Croods 2
      • The Croods 3
      • The Sorcerer’s Apprentice 2
      • Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse 2
      • Drive Angry 2
      • Season of the Witch 2
    • Kevin Hart Upcoming Movies
      • Central Intelligence 2
      • Night School 2
      • Get Hard 2
      • The Secret Life of Pets 2
      • The Secret Life of Pets 3
    • Alex Pettyfer Upcoming Movies
      • I Am Number 4 Sequel
      • In Time 2 / About Time 2
    • Will Smith Upcoming Movies
      • Hancock 2
      • I Am Legend 2
      • Suicide Squad 2
      • Wild Wild West 2
      • Bright Sequel
      • Independence Day 3
    • Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson Movies
      • Skyscraper 2
      • Moana 2
      • Rampage 2
      • Baywatch 2
      • Hurricane Heist 2
    • Upcoming Movies
      • Jack Reacher 3
      • Chappie 2
      • District 9 Sequel
      • Belko Experiment 2
      • Taken 4
      • Battleship 2
      • The Commuter 2
      • Ice Age 6
      • Looper 2
      • Sleepless 2
      • Horrible Bosses 3
      • Vampire Academy 2
      • Zombieland 2
      • Jumper 2
      • John Wick 4
      • Salt 2
      • Night at the Museum 4
      • Goonies 2
  • The Other Half
  • Podcasts
  • Store
    • Cart
    • Checkout
No Result
View All Result
  • MMA News
  • Entertainment
    • Luke Evans Upcoming Movies
      • Dracula Untold 2
      • Immortals 2
      • The Three Musketeers 2
      • Beauty and the Beast 2
      • Lord of the Rings Streaming Series
      • No One Lives 2
      • High Rise 2
    • Adam Sandler Upcoming Movies
      • Grown Ups 3
      • Happy Gilmore 2
      • Billy Madison 2
      • The Do-Over 2
      • Sandy Wexler 2
    • Nicolas Cage Upcoming Movies
      • National Treasure 3
      • Ghost Rider 3
      • Con Air 2
      • The Croods 2
      • The Croods 3
      • The Sorcerer’s Apprentice 2
      • Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse 2
      • Drive Angry 2
      • Season of the Witch 2
    • Kevin Hart Upcoming Movies
      • Central Intelligence 2
      • Night School 2
      • Get Hard 2
      • The Secret Life of Pets 2
      • The Secret Life of Pets 3
    • Alex Pettyfer Upcoming Movies
      • I Am Number 4 Sequel
      • In Time 2 / About Time 2
    • Will Smith Upcoming Movies
      • Hancock 2
      • I Am Legend 2
      • Suicide Squad 2
      • Wild Wild West 2
      • Bright Sequel
      • Independence Day 3
    • Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson Movies
      • Skyscraper 2
      • Moana 2
      • Rampage 2
      • Baywatch 2
      • Hurricane Heist 2
    • Upcoming Movies
      • Jack Reacher 3
      • Chappie 2
      • District 9 Sequel
      • Belko Experiment 2
      • Taken 4
      • Battleship 2
      • The Commuter 2
      • Ice Age 6
      • Looper 2
      • Sleepless 2
      • Horrible Bosses 3
      • Vampire Academy 2
      • Zombieland 2
      • Jumper 2
      • John Wick 4
      • Salt 2
      • Night at the Museum 4
      • Goonies 2
  • The Other Half
  • Podcasts
  • Store
    • Cart
    • Checkout
HalfGuarded
No Result
View All Result
HalfGuarded
No Result
View All Result

Target Modifies New Bathroom Policy to Appease Boycotters Who Think Highly of How Molestable They Actually Are

Chris Najdek by Chris Najdek
November 19, 2018
in Evergreen, IT'S SATIRE, The Other Half
1
Look but don't touch when you're in the bathroom

@chris_najdek

Cnajdek27@gmail.com

Minneapolis MN–

Amidst widespread outrage by protesters who are boycotting Target’s new gender neutral bathroom policy, the corporation has announce the following adjustments to the controversial policy.

RelatedPosts

KILL PBS FUNDING

What do you propose? Simple, We Kill The PBS.

July 17, 2025
france paris

The 15 Best National Anthems to Take a Knee in Protest Thereof – RANKED

July 17, 2025
Bowling is America’s Pastime and I’m a Patriot.

Bowling is America’s Pastime and I’m a Patriot.

July 3, 2025
IN CONGRESS, JULY 4, 1776: The Unanimous Declaration of the Thirteen United States of America

IN CONGRESS, JULY 4, 1776: The Unanimous Declaration of the Thirteen United States of America

July 3, 2025

“We want to be fair to those who are uncomfortable with our policy, we also want to make everyone, no matter how irrationally special they think they are happy, therefore we have made several changes effective immediately.” said a spokesperson for Target.

The list of new policies include:

1. Signs on all bathrooms stating under no circumstances are you to molest or sexually harass anyone else in the restroom with you.

2. Separate bathrooms based on how good looking or ugly you are. One bathroom will be for anyone who ranks from 1-5, 6’s – 10’s will have a separate rest room.

3. A “no pedophiles beyond this point” sign will be posted on all restrooms other than the new Pedophiles Only rest room. Nobody under the age of 17 will be permitted in those restrooms. These signs will also be posted in the toy, children’s clothing, baby product, and kids medicine isles.

4. There will be separate pro and anti vaccination rest rooms.

5. New “I just had a curious phase in college” restrooms will be implemented.

6. Other than service animals, no pets will be allowed in restrooms to appease those who fear a threat or temptation of bestiality while using the rest rooms.

7. Males who now identify as female may only use the women’s bathroom as long as they aren’t dropping a massive deuce.

8. There will be a separate facility for holocaust deniers and 911 conspiracy theorists.

9. Those who feel threatened by persons of an opposite gender will now be permitted to piss on the side of the building with amnesty from a public urination summons being issued.

10. Lastly there will finally be a rest room for shoplifters who will be allowed to bring items beyond this point as several shoplifters have deemed this policy insensitive to those who identify as customers who have paid for the items they will stuff inside their oversized winter jackets and cargo pants they insist on wearing during the summer months.

“It’s not perfect yet but we feel this will welcome back those who were offended by our new policy. We have several ideas we are still considering including changing our bullseye logo for anti 2nd amendment supporters, and separate DC and Marvel nerd restrooms. We at Target believe in inclusion and our goal is not only to bankrupt small business owners and achieve world domination, but to someday control the weather and abolish child labor laws.”

Related posts

  1. Target puts a bullseye on pooping
  2. UFC PED Policy to be addressed in conference call today
  3. Michael Moore Demands Justice; Furious Anti-Democratic Mail Bomber Did Not Target Him
  4. UFC Steroids: The New UFC PED Policy Just Ended Everyone’s Career (UPDATED)
Previous Post

Comedy Suplex Podcart 67: WTF News, Enzo rude, Ellsworth nude

Next Post

Trump Says Tekashi 6ix9ine Arrest Is Complete Witch-Hunt

Related Posts

KILL PBS FUNDING
Evergreen

What do you propose? Simple, We Kill The PBS.

by Admin
July 17, 2025
1

PBS should be defunded completely. It is an arm of propaganda that serves no legitimate purpose in today's society.

france paris
Evergreen

The 15 Best National Anthems to Take a Knee in Protest Thereof – RANKED

by Admin
July 17, 2025
2

What are the best national anthems from around the world to kneel for? Click, and find out!

Bowling is America’s Pastime and I’m a Patriot.

Bowling is America’s Pastime and I’m a Patriot.

July 3, 2025
Next Post
Trump loves 69

Trump Says Tekashi 6ix9ine Arrest Is Complete Witch-Hunt

Comments 1

  1. Pingback: What if transgender feelings are a question of mental health and not morality? - HalfGuarded.com

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

The Latest:

  • What do you propose? Simple, We Kill The PBS.
  • The 15 Best National Anthems to Take a Knee in Protest Thereof – RANKED
  • Bowling is America’s Pastime and I’m a Patriot.
  • IN CONGRESS, JULY 4, 1776: The Unanimous Declaration of the Thirteen United States of America
  • 11 Reasons America is the Best Ever! USA USA!
  • AMERICA DAY: Canada Fails to Win Stanley Cup (again)
  • Proud of Being Gay
  • Luke Evans Movies
  • Dracula Untold Sequel
  • Immortals Sequel
  • Beauty and the Beast Sequel
  • Rio 3
  • Grown Ups 3
  • Chappie Sequel
  • Horrible Bosses 3
  • The Three Musketeers Sequel

© 2025 JNews - Premium WordPress news & magazine theme by Jegtheme.

No Result
View All Result
  • MMA News
  • Entertainment
    • Luke Evans Upcoming Movies
      • Dracula Untold 2
      • Immortals 2
      • The Three Musketeers 2
      • Beauty and the Beast 2
      • Lord of the Rings Streaming Series
      • No One Lives 2
      • High Rise 2
    • Adam Sandler Upcoming Movies
      • Grown Ups 3
      • Happy Gilmore 2
      • Billy Madison 2
      • The Do-Over 2
      • Sandy Wexler 2
    • Nicolas Cage Upcoming Movies
      • National Treasure 3
      • Ghost Rider 3
      • Con Air 2
      • The Croods 2
      • The Croods 3
      • The Sorcerer’s Apprentice 2
      • Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse 2
      • Drive Angry 2
      • Season of the Witch 2
    • Kevin Hart Upcoming Movies
      • Central Intelligence 2
      • Night School 2
      • Get Hard 2
      • The Secret Life of Pets 2
      • The Secret Life of Pets 3
    • Alex Pettyfer Upcoming Movies
      • I Am Number 4 Sequel
      • In Time 2 / About Time 2
    • Will Smith Upcoming Movies
      • Hancock 2
      • I Am Legend 2
      • Suicide Squad 2
      • Wild Wild West 2
      • Bright Sequel
      • Independence Day 3
    • Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson Movies
      • Skyscraper 2
      • Moana 2
      • Rampage 2
      • Baywatch 2
      • Hurricane Heist 2
    • Upcoming Movies
      • Jack Reacher 3
      • Chappie 2
      • District 9 Sequel
      • Belko Experiment 2
      • Taken 4
      • Battleship 2
      • The Commuter 2
      • Ice Age 6
      • Looper 2
      • Sleepless 2
      • Horrible Bosses 3
      • Vampire Academy 2
      • Zombieland 2
      • Jumper 2
      • John Wick 4
      • Salt 2
      • Night at the Museum 4
      • Goonies 2
  • The Other Half
  • Podcasts
  • Store
    • Cart
    • Checkout

© 2025 JNews - Premium WordPress news & magazine theme by Jegtheme.