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“The Boy in Me…”

Chris Najdek by Chris Najdek
August 23, 2018
in The Other Half
0
father and son

cnajdek27@gmail.com

 

From day one I had two when some had none…

 

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My mother and father have spent 40 years as together…

 

He put the ring on her finger, that feeling still lingers…

 

Yet so many fail and fall apart, my blessing comes because of their hearts…

 

Dad always taught us to help out whoever you can whenever you can because you can, and because you’re a man…

 

But sometimes I’m just a boy…not a boy pointing to the toy in the store that I ask if I can have, you see I want more…

 

I wanna hear oldies on moms radio while the dice hit the wooden table. I wanna hear my mom just tell me no matter what I am able…

 

Able to be the future man they saw in their eyes the day I was born, and now that I’m a man sometimes I’m torn. “Nobody gives a fuck.” Dad would warm. Stand on your own feet like a newborn fawn…

 

Off the the races…but have patience…don’t rush to grow up, enjoy being young but I always though I was so sharp with my tongue that I was grown….had I only known…

 

Now that I’m a man with a son of his own I wanna freeze time so I can have a little more time to get him ready for the throne…

 

A throne that comes from what my father instilled, that same radio that Mom played yahtzee on and took her time to talk, is the same one that reminded dad to wake up and work to pay the bills….

 

The boy in me just wants moms cooking every day, when I didn’t have to worry about those bills I’d have to pay…

 

The boy in me wants dad to show me how to fix a washer and dryer again just so I can finally show that I’m listening to him…

 

The boy in me looked at his parents as everything he’d ever need…and one day the boy in me wished he could be free…

 

Free to do as I want, dress as I want, eat as I want but that same boy keeps telling me that’s not what I want…

 

My parents were so damn good I’m institutionalized to their upbringing…from dad cracking jokes to moms radio accompanied singing…

 

From hundreds of miles away I still smell her food, moms meatballs and sauce wouldn’t change anybody’s mood…

 

By my side literally through life and death as I lay in a hospital bed asleep as the wept….RAPID RESONSE blares on the speaker while they waited to walk in to the ICU, not even knowing what the doctors had to do…

 

By my side all 18 days I laid unable to walk…being fed brother by my mothers hand and I could barely talk…

 

By my side being my son back and forth so I could hug what I’ve missed for weeks…nobody has ever resisted those chubby little cheeks…

 

By my side as I lay there losing my wits, until I hear moms voice and there goes dad takin some shit…and I didn’t think I could laugh til he kept talkin that shit…

 

They helped as I learned how to walk for a second time, one step at a time, and by my side all the time…

 

The boy inside me came out again…but it’s time to permanently become a man…

 

The boy inside me says it can’t be both…Stand on your own and show them the growth that they showers with water and sun, but as most of us know a parents job is never done…

 

In my darkest hour they’re here yet again, even if not in person in every dream I begin…

 

The boy in me watched but the ma in me wonders how’d you raise 5 sons, always put food on the table, put clothes on our backs no matter the label…

 

Nurse is back to health, made sure we were fine, nobody had or has it better than these parents of mine…

 

I love you Mom and Dad, I’m never to old to say it, I love you Mom and Dad, I just hope the man in me is good enough to portray it …

 

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