(Note: in an effort to balance out Mike’s estrogen, Krystal McKenzie will be presenting a Walking Dead FREE LIVE STREAM of thought premiere review live blog thing that kids do. As this happens, Mike will be in the kitchen. Really.)
6pm CST
Hello!!!!! I’ve taken over HG for tonight. Such a momentous Hallmark holiday of making everyone who doesn’t have a friend who they do things with more than others, feel more self conscious than the other 354 days they go movies by themselves. I’ve thrown down the gauntlet to the dude I like more than others. His mission which he has accepted will task him: to prepare a homemade meal for two and it needs to edible. Just in case the Master of Prose is an Apprentice of the Pantry….I have a frozen Pizza ready for my salvation as we prepare for The Walking Dead.
What does this have to do with Mixed Martial Arts or Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu?! Absolutely nothing! But I’m a chick, I like fights, I compete and love The Walking Dead!!!
Oh, did I mention I’ll be doing the “play by play” for The Walking Dead? Let the games begin!
6:22pm
Michael has not set the kitchen on fire yet. I’m highly disappointed I might not get to see the Fire Department tonight. However…..he is talking to himself…
6:38pm
Well if I were scoring this by rounds…the Valentine champion is facing some adversity….the garlic has come out of nowhere to thwart his attempts to flavor tonight’s dinner. Fortunately, Mike’s reading “skillz” are college level and his dutiful adherence to the recipe (+1 point) is to be admired. Like reading a bedtime story to a child. Precious.
I bet you didn’t know there would be points. An oh, btw….every time he consults me on technique I take away points…hehehehe!
6:50pm
TWD marathon update on AMC. S6/E7. This episode reminds how much Enid is a sniveling, pathetic and hopeless teenager of our time. I understand bad shit happens and I’m not I wouldn’t be dysfunctional after an apocalypse but damn girl?!
Watching the next scene…..envision [dumbshit] trying to cross the wire, over zombies, to a car which may or may not start…… like a not so athletic version of an American Ninja. Mike asked: How hard is it to walk up a wall? Me: All the Lifetime Fitness’s are closed.
6:55pm
“A pinch of salt is not a fucking measurement. Fuck this fucking shit.”
“Medium low heat. What the fuck is medium low? Must be 3.”
7:04pm
These Walkers are pouring through the walls like a sale on grape drink on the South Side. It’s pandelerium! Pregnant women climbing walls. Walkers playing chess. Seriously.
Dinner challenge #2….finding a 1/3 cup of butter out of 4 quarter sticks….lol
7:15pm
Dinner is served! “Let me get you some of this,” is how I know my meal is ready. This is rather awesome to have this manly man don the apron of spatulas and cook up a meal.
7:52pm
Dinner was awesome! He wins! Now….on to exclusive The Walking Dead coverage!
7:55pm
Time to slather ourselves in blood to enter the next episode. Nooooo don’t open the door, you don’t have enough bullets….ah fuck it. Be you!
Does the house exit count as a walk of shame?
Shut up little fucker. Stop calling for your mom like a little bitch. This is apocalypse. Deal with it.
8pm
It begins. Early apparently. How the hell do you just drive up on a biker gang on a desolate highway and not see them far enough away to turn off or just accelerate and drive through them?
Ohhh, look they’re giving out cooking advice. Don’t nibble shit….chew…swallow….repeat. At least I hope that’s advice for eating shit? Blah blah blah evil talk. We gonna kill you…AND THEN…..BOOM!!!!
OMG!!!!! Daryl has a bazooka!!!!
8:20pm
The next segment begins with the March of Slaves….keep your eyes down and hope the Walkers don’t notice. Note: when traveling with a baby in the apocalypse can you give the baby drugs to stay quite??!! <I’m a woman and I approve of this.> I however do NOT approve of leaving your children with the priest. And one of the most over used lines “He’s going to make it.” ……we’ll see….
Stop holding hands boys, that’s gay!
Is it me or is Glenn looking more swoll these days?
Zombie Tip #203 Store firearms in Bibles and Holy books….the weak people won’t look there but the fucked up bad asses will.
8:35pm
Whew, night has fallen so things must get better. Oh wait. Little fucker just got eaten for whimpering like a little bitch…..Ah fuck….we just lost Jessie too… the blond bomb on the show. Well…..might as well make it a three-peat and get a family deal.
8:40pm
Back from break. Let’s have a moment of silence for those we lost in the last 5 min….nah fuck it. We only liked Jessie.
Holy shit I’m all confused. Bad guy helping hostage. Carol shooting people. Carl has lost at least his eye….
Rick is about to go FULL RICK.
8:50pm
Rick is on a rampage and his crew is straight up down to roll and out there. Awwwhhhh shit. They’re taking on the whole herd. Everybody about to fight.
All I know is someone we really like is NOT going to survive this episode.
….and the cavalry shows up….with automatic rifles…..how many times are we going to brought the brink of Glenn’s death and be teased with depression?
8:59pm
Another shot with the bazooka to fire up a hellish hot tub to attract the walkers out of Alexandria. HOLD THE LINE!!! They may take our asshole neighbors but they will never take our freedom!!! Let the motherfuckers BURN!
Shut up Rick, you don’t like the townspeople anyways. Stop talking about a New World….the New World of Order?
Sweet baby Jesus I’m glad this episode is over. Feels like a terrible civil war reenactment. And oh, btw….Carl is alive.
9:10pm
It’s been real people. I had fun guest blogging for Half Guarded and giving a sneak peek into the courting attempts of the dude who I allow to call me his girlfriend, Mike.
Till next time! <3 Krystal
FYI. I know there are 365 days in the year.
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