Nitro Episode 47 and/or 48 or something
A source for the dirt-sheets that was at nitro 47/48 left his notes in this box of crap I found…
Eric Bischoff: Well, I’m out of ideas… How about this, bring back the Rock N Roll Express!
Tony Schiavone: Good move, put the old white guys in with the slave negro tag champs and let them get reparations. Ted Turner will love that. He hates negroes.
EB: Brain, it looks like they ran out of fatties and retards to sit in the front row.
Bobby The Brain: Let’s just go out into Orlando and bring in a little league softball team. Make sure a couple of white dads are really looking bored.
EB: That shouldn’t be a problem. Our show is really lame this week… Ok, we need Tony and Zbysko in the same matching shirts they’ve been wearing for four weeks… Next we’ll give the fans a work rate match, Benoit vs. Alex Wright. I guess we have to have shitty segments to make our NWO segments really pop. Wright, do a back flip to enter the ring. Always start a match with a high spot because then everything else will pale in comparison. Slick Willy Behrens taught me that.
Tony Schiavone: Where’s Jimmy Hart?
EB: Jimmy, is your hair the same as it was in 1986? Excellent. Go out there and do whatever it is you do. Grease Hogan’s knob or whatever… Next comes Regal, he’s a shit worker. Fans want to see Booty Man and Harlem Heat. All the smart marks back at the ECW arena can suck my rich balls… So Regal vs. Leapin Lanny’s Brother will have a match. Does someone know if Leapin’ Lanny is available or under contract to us? Who cares. Does Savage still have the same two moves as he did at Wrestlemania III? Yep. Another arm drag. Yawn.
Editor’s Note from 1996: I’m taping this in case I miss a finish. Then I can go home and time the matches. I’ll label it meticulously and place it in my well-organized VHS tape closet. It will be so easy to go back and watch them in 20 years on my VCR. I’m glad I’m putting in tons of time securing footage on a medium that will always be viable.
Mike Tenay: A countdown for hour number two? That’s such a ratings grab. It’s embarrassing.
EB: You’re right, Mike! Great idea. We should put Sting and Hogan on free TV to pop a rating. Even Meltzer knows that’s a great idea… Looks like Macho got busted hard way on his lip. I’m sure he’ll take that in stride… Next we’ll have the the nWo deliver flowers in a limo. The flowers say, “Condolences on the Death of WCW.” Haha. Nobody knows the Outsiders are under contract to WCW. Like anyone could kill WCW. No one. Never. Certainly, two guys jumping over from WWF and immediately getting a lot of power could never hurt WCW. We’ll rule the world!
EB: Finally, we get out of Disney and we’ve got a guard-rail that skews the view of the horribly disgusting people in the front row. Brain, get on it… Luger and Sting challenge the NWO for a rematch from Hog Wild. We will continue the heel ref angle, because everyone loves it, and it makes perfect logical sense… First match tonight is Renegade vs. DDP. Page goes over clean… Next is Hall and Nash in the back. Nash put a huge dip in your mouth, and break down the fourth wall constantly. That could certainly never undermine your credibility.
EB: Konnan vs. Jim Powers. My daughter has a dance recital tonight so Konnan can just wear plain black trunks. No mask, no tutu… This is terrible. Doesn’t Konnan know that no one can get over just wearing black trunks and black boots?
Tony Schiavone: Powers is really on a roll.
EB: Are you referring to his bowling league because it’s not with wins on Nitro. Konnan I guess is heel now as he used the ropes for the win. I thought I was deciding who turns? Where’s Paul Wight?
Paul Wight: Right here boss!
PW: You got it boss.
EB: Finally, the debut of Ron Studd. I guess the Yeti died. That’s a shame. Here comes Benoit with woman and Liz poffo. I heard Benoit is sleeping with Liz, which is why he has heat with Macho. Studd has a great physique. Ain’t a lick of fat on that man’s body. Studd is really making Benoit look good here. I’ve said it before, but Benoit is capable of being carried. Studd is really agile for a big man. Benoit with the clean win over Studd. Who decided to put over all the vanilla midgets? This shit won’t draw.
Mean Gene: So next I’ll be in the ring with Woman who can’t keep her hands off of me.
EB: Gene, Liz Poffo and Benoit are the stars here. Stop flirting with Woman. Don’t let Benoit speak. He’s so boring. It’s all like this intense realistic stuff that just doesn’t work anymore. It’s 1996 Chris, start using catch phrases buddy.
EB: Steiners vs. Harlem Heat is next.
Tenay: We’ve seen it a million times. Why are we doing this again?
EB: Shut up Mike. Referring to the inside friendship of Hogan and Bootyman is really clever. We should do that… Next, Brain and Schiavone are looking for the outsiders who are coming through the crowd. Lots of marks getting to slap the backs of the heels. Luger and Sting are making their way to the ring. We still haven’t learned the identity of the 4th member.
Eh, I kinda ran outta steam at the end there… Fuck it. It’s on the network.