Today is the worst day of the year: April Fools Day. I loath this dumb day. It comes out of nowhere and then 24 hours of stupid follows.
The problem is that most people simply aren’t funny. They think they are but they aren’t. This leads to “jokes” that are anything but. You’ll see this mostly manifest (on Facebook it seems) in the following:
“Hey, guys, I wanted to let you know that my dad died
JK. APRIL FOOLS!!”
People have replaced jokes with just stupid fucking lies.
The beauty of the day is only found when you’re actually fooled by someone. And it has to (yes, I’m making up rules for this) be something where it seems semi plausible on the surface only then you say, “You fucker.” You’re supposed to catch someone being gullible.
To wit. I had a GREAT idea for an joke. Nine months ago I wanted to switch my brother’s girlfriend’s birth control with mints. Then, when the kid was born today I’d be able to say, “APRIL FOOLS DAY!!!” Somehow, the one shred of restraint I have left kicked in and I didn’t do this.
Today’s jokes for MMA will probably be the following:
- Conor McGregor injured or retiring
- Georges St. Pierre returns (possibly to Bellator)
- Fedor signs with UFC and fights at UFC 200
- UFC sold to Bellator
- Jon Jones arrested … actually, that one might be real
- Ronda Rousey pregnant
- NY Gov vetoes bill legalizing MMA (that’s not bad actually)
There. And I’m not some sensitive fuck who hates jokes. I love jokes. I like them mean and awful. But I want them to be funny and to be actual jokes.
So, please. If you’re not clever don’t try. Punching someone in the arm and saying “APRIL FOOLS” isn’t a joke or funny, neither is flat lying to people in a way that scares them.
You’re not funny so please stop trying to be.
JK. You’re all funny and should totally replace your mom’s shampoo with ketchup!