In an announcement that left long-time fight fans bemused, the state of California announced today that steroids were now legal. The news comes in light of the California State Athletic Commission’s decision to license Jon Jones to fight even though he had steroids in his blood, a move even Nevada thought was bold.
“We just figured, why not?” said Andy Foster, head of the commission. “Do you know how weird this is already? There’s a branch of the government spending taxpayer time and money watching millionaires pee.
“Obviously the UFC doesn’t give a shit if everyone is on the juice. I mean, hell, they’re getting rid of the flyweights in what I assume is a signal that they want guys bulking up. Which I get. I’m with it. Let’s go full on Lord of the Flies with this thing. Man is meant to ride science into the future so let’s see how incredible a fighter can exist if we let this stuff flow free. This is evolution.”
Foster then resumed listening to Joe Rogan’s podcast.