There was a butt ton (an actual unit of measurement) of MMA this weekend – UFC WSOF Bellator all had shows. Surely, with all that violence, something, somewhere must’ve been learned. But what?
1. Tournaments are still absurd
Hand it to Matt Grady (not just because he writes for us) but he called the absurdity of the WSOF tournament before it happened. Some part of me hoped it would go off smooth. Some part of me also thinks if I tried real hard I could play pro baseball. Multiple guys getting injured – including a number of winners. A finals that was a rematch of an opening round match. Half of the fights didn’t air on TV! Back to the finals. Guy A beats Guy B in seconds in the first round. Somehow Guy B is back in because someone else in a different fight got hurt. He ends up beating Guy A in the finals. Your new WSOF tournament champion: the guy who went 2-1 on the night because he beat another guy who also went 2-1 on the night. Even better though: it was all so, so predictable. We’re just months removed from the Bellator tournament where they couldn’t pull of a FOUR man tournament and these fuckers tried for eight?
2. Bellator actually had a show
Kato fought Manhoef in the main-event of Bellator. Kato is Japanese but was born and raised in France and no, you’d never heard of him. Manhoef is almost 40. They had a good fight, slugging it out, until Manhoef landed one clean shot. I do not remember a single other thing from the show. I was shocked they even had a show until I checked my calendar and it had a show marked down for Friday. After a bit of confusion, yup, they did. I know people want an alternative to the UFC but if this weekend was it then no thanks.
3. The UFC sucked too
I know the UFC card was really more of a local market deal. Every fight featured someone Hispanic. Goito (there might be an ‘L’ in there but that’s how it sounds when pronounced) was the closest thing to a star to emerge. I know that Kelvin Gastelum is Hispanic but no one really believes he is. Between his stocky wrestler build and overall look, not to mention his name, I’d guess Italian before Mexican as a background. I also didn’t get a sense that anyone in the crowd gave a shit about him as a big Mexican hero!!!!!!!!!! Diego Sanchez has all the attributes that people racistly (maybe correctly though) attribute to Mexican fighters: bite down, sling leather, be tough, etc… But: 1. I don’t know if he even speaks Spanish; 2. he’s as white as a brown person can be; 3. he’s old and isn’t good anymore.
Ricardo Lamas looked good but … Ricardo Lamas? MEXICAN STAR OF THE FUTURE?!? C’mon. Dude is from the Midwest. His Spanish sounded good to me but I don’t speak Spanish so I don’t really know. Oh, and he’s American as shit. You can’t just expect anyone with a Hispanic background to be accepted in Mexico. Do you know why Conor McGregor is huge in Ireland? HE’S FUCKING IRISH! Born, bred, trains, lives, all that. Michael Bisping? ENGLISH! All the Brazilian dudes? All from Brazil. Anderson Silva isn’t a guy who grew up in America, went to school, went to college, wrestles, and probably shops at the Gap when you’re not looking: he’s a poor brown dude from Brazil.
Mexico also doesn’t need any combat sports stars. They have a bunch of boxers. America? No good boxers anyone cares about. That’s basically true of every country except Mexico! They’ve got a bunch of fun, charismatic locals who can really fight. All of them are more palatable than a pudgy dude who loses to a guy on 2 weeks notice.
4. Kicking the leg hurts
Twice on Saturday’s UFC, guys got kicked in the calf area and were fucked up by it. Hobbling around, unable to stand, etc… Scott Jorgensen and Diego Sanchez both shows a bunch of heart by fighting through visible pain. Still: what the fuck? Is this going to be the new version of the Jon Jones oblique kick? Guys trying to kick the calf a lot?
5. Fuck that one ref
Speaking of Jorgensen. Fuck the ref in that fight. Dude could literally not stand and this moron of a ref let it go. Note: don’t bring in refs who wear tight shirts and try to look like tough guys when they are reffing a fucking cage fight.
6. When Mighty Mouse laughs at you, you’re fucked
Henry Cejudo looked good on Saturday. For a wrestler, his hands are fine. He’s an athlete. Yada, yada, yada. He’s now almost assuredly the next guy to fight Mighty Mouse and in no way, shape, or form did I see anything that makes me go, “FUCK! Dude has a chance!” Even Mighty Mouse was laughing at him in a way that said, “Well, there’s another easy low six figure payday for me.” He probably cried later realizing he makes the same per fight at Ronda Rousey probably does to pretend she enjoys Carls Jr.
7. Korea is coming
I felt bad that I missed Friday’s shows, but I had a wedding to go to and other people have lives. I figure there are fights 3-4 times a week but my friend? Probably only 3-4 weddings in a life so I made the hard choice. Next Saturday though, that’s gonna be rough. The MAIN CARD for the UFC in Korea starts at like 7 or 8 A fucking M on the East Coast. Which means me, in my little frozen hell known as Chicago, has to get up at like – what? – 4 am to start covering this shit? FUCK! All this for a card that will feature two men with the name Dong Hyun Kim fighting. And both are fighting a guy whose first name is a variation of “Dominick.” Waking up at 4 am is for bakers and people who made decisions in life requiring them to work the shitty shift.
Fuck. That’s me.