Target puts a bullseye on pooping

 

Target is going to let transgendered individuals poop where they please.  This cannot effect more than maybe fifteen people across the country.  There aren’t than many transgendered individuals in the country and those that exist (exist? that doesn’t sound appropriate) probably don’t shop at Target all the time.  On a given day, there aren’t that many people going to Target, let alone pooping at Target, let alone going to Target and pooping at Target and also being transgendered.

 

Where people poop is a thing these days.  North Carolina passed a law that said where you can and can’t poop (something like that) – and as a result the NBA may not hold the All-Star Game in the state.  Because of pooping.

 

The usual argument against permitting transgendered individuals to use the bathroom of their choice is one of safety: a pre-transformative individual may identify as a woman but still technically be a man and so you’ve let a man into the women’s restroom where rape and stuff happens.  And I don’t think it’s necessarily that people think transgendered individuals will be out there raping away but that it’ll let would-be rapists have an easier path to rape-ville.

 

 

OK.  The real argument is people find it “yucky” and are homophobes and since there aren’t really anymore fights over gay rights, this is the new line in the sand. Frankly, I think both sides are almost secretly happy to have this to fight about: hard to hate the sinning queers or the backwards thinking Bible thumpers when there’s nothing anyone can do anymore.

 

That doesn’t mean that the publicly proclaimed argument is without merit.  There’s obviously no test to tell if someone is a “real” transgendered individual as it is an ongoing process, and so a person may begin to self-identify far earlier than a physical change manifests.  Thus, if a giant Paul Bunyan looking guy wants to use the women’s shitter what can you do?  All he has to say is, “I think I’m a woman” and in he goes.

 

 

And this is a bathroom, the closest place normal people get to being naked in public.  They’re private, tend to be soundproof(ish), and intimate.  If you’re gonna rape someone, and you don’t have a van, a bathroom is a solid choice.  Mind you, the increased risk isn’t very great because we’re still talking about being in public but maybe the risk goes up 0.0001%.

 

That’s an increased risk for the reward of not hurting someone’s feelings.  That’s what this comes down to at heart: those individuals who identify differently feel awkward and want to live as much of their life as possible as they choose. And, hey!, I don’t blame them for wanting to live every aspect of their lives as they wish. Many go through enough in life as is and just wanna pinch one off in peace.

 

 

But it’s still just feelings.  No one is being prevented from using a bathroom, just that bathroom.  And this isn’t a White’s Only water fountain deal either: shitters are shitters and the only reason one is nicer than the other is because men are pigs.  There aren’t nationwide efforts to give men 50 inch plasma TVs and heated seats while women only get a hole. ($50 says half the men would prefer the hole anyways.)

 

It’s all in the eye of the beholder

 

In a sad way, we’re simply applying a beauty standard.  The more “passable” someone is the more likely they are to be able to use the crapper of their choice.  Which is extra horrible because transgendered individuals have one of the highest suicide rates of any group and are already dealing with a myriad of complex body issues.

 

I’ve heard the line of thought that this probably leads to unisex bathrooms.  That’ll be weird.  Women for sure draw the short stick here, as they already have a vague idea of what men do in there and my guess is that they underestimates things a bit – we can’t hit the bowl at home, what do you think happens when we’re drunk and at a bar?

 

That said, us men aren’t gonna be happy either.  I do NOT want to hear a woman take a shit – especially a hot one (read that both ways, if you’d like).  Women smell nice, and are soft, and have manners, and are the good parts of society: I don’t want to have to confront the reality of them also being normal disgusting pigs at times.  Yes, everybody poops but that doesn’t mean I wanna acknowledge it.

 

 

And I’ve got no idea what to do about those with legitimate religious beliefs that prevent the co-mingling of men and women in certain ares.  It’s all well and good to say that they’ll just have to deal with it and that the state (or a store) doesn’t and/or can’t accommodate/discriminate for or against one group because of another’s religious views – but we’re talking about 1. taking a shit and 2. a deviation from a societal norm that is so basic you don’t even think about it: of course we have men’s and women’s bathrooms and until recently, that was never, ever, ever an issue.

 

This all sucks because there isn’t a good solution – yet.  We can:

• keep bathrooms segregated by sex, as is now, and not let transgendered individuals (read: “non passable” transgendered individuals) use them;
• let transgendered individuals use them as they choose and deal with the occasional dickhead trying to go into the women’s shitbox (notice how we all assume that a woman isn’t dumb enough to go to the men’s bathroom just because she could);
• or we have unisex bathrooms, alienating a few people with religious beliefs, probably losing urinals, exposing women to the horrors of men, and making me uncomfortable hearing the other sex Jackson Pollack the porcelain.

 

YET

 

Come on, I’m not that sloppy of a writer that I threw in a “yet” for no reason.  See, what we have here really is a problem that will soon be moot.  Technology being what it is, and the improvements being made every day in plastic surgery, one day gender reassignment surgery will be so good no one will know it took place.  I think with the exception of actually creating ovaries and testes, the transition will be perfect.  I don’t know how long this will take to happen but I’ll bet not very.

 

Until then, we’re going to have to deal with this shitty situation (yup) somehow. We’re talking about the pooping habits of one-half of one-half of 1% of the population: let’s all just try to be a little nice here. “Let them poop” may be the rallying cry that can top “Make America Great Again.”

 

Once the day when a perfect transition occurs, then we can go back to applying the Eye Test standard and stop Paul Bunyan from being a perv.  Forget “don’t ask, don’t tell,” it’ll be “can’t tell so can’t ask.”

 

Then we’ll all be back to a women’s room and a men’s room and women will have their (fucking) couches and men will have the freedom to fart and grunt and scratch to our hearts content.

 

Finally, everybody will be happy pooping.