Daniel Snyder Changes His Own Name To “Dances When Corporate Sponsors Threaten To Pull Out”

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After Daniel Snyder finally gave up his stance on changing the offensive name of the Washington Redskins, he’s now taken things a step further. After realizing that his racism would cost him money, Snyder is a new man. So new in fact, he is not only changing the team name, but his own name as well.

“I finally realize how hurtful this name and logo has been for decades. I never understood how bad it was, but now I can see how this has been costing me money for decades. If I don’t change it I’m going to lose sponsors. Had I changed it years ago, I would have made all kinds of new logo merchandise money. Therefore, I need to change the name of my beloved team.” Snyder said

When asked if he realized how the name was hurtful to Native Americans and not just his financial bottom line, Snyder said:

“No, not even a little bit, but I do owe the Native Americans a lot for all the money they made me over the years. In honor of the lucrative Native American people, I’m changing my government name to “Dances When Corporate Sponsors Threaten To Pull Out”

Reporters told Snyder that it was highly offensive and racist, to which he said:

“No, my new name is paying tribute to great Native Americans like Kevin Costner and that guy in the Village People. I loved that movie, never knew Costner was Native American.”

When asked if he’s narrowed down the new name of the franchise, Snyder said he’s got a few choices on the table.

“I’m leaning towards The Washington Elizabeth Warrens just to make it clear we have NO more ties to the Native American community whatsoever. Another possibility is the Washington Land Losers.”

Good to see he’s a changed man.