That UFC 190 Pay Per Viewing broadcast is coming up, isn’t it? You wouldn’t know if you looked at HG though as we are dedicated this week to nothing but coverage of the Pan-Am Games taking place in Canada.
(1. I don’t know if they’re actually still happening; 2. Between those games, the Women’s World Cup, and the trade that sent Tulo to the Blue Jays, this may be the biggest month in Canadian sports history. What with them never, ever, ever, ever likely to see a Canadian team win the Stanley Cup…)
But, for those lost souls looking for more things to kill time while your kid goes to the zoo and ignores the monkeys and instead looks at a “WET FLOOR” sign and now you’re watching UFC 190 videos on your phone because that lazy asshole somehow can’t find a job or manage to take the kids anywhere or clean anything and all you wanted was a glass of wine and a good cry but instead … ZOO!
These UFC 190 videos are for you. Nothing specific, just various crap the UFC has been publishing this week that we didn’t publish ourselves (immediately) because they’re like 2 minutes and don’t fit into any kind of brilliant narrative – like jokes about Ronda’s name sounding like Honda in Brazil.
Watch the UFC 190 video collection and don’t worry about the kid: he found an anthill and is setting them on fire – I mean, he’s going to be a serial killer someday but not today and that’s all that matters.
First up, Ronda Rousey and her WARRIOR CODE! She’s willing to die in there, like an ancient samurai. She’s not a professional fighter using Judo as a primary offensive tool, she’s a modern day Xena Warrior!
Concussions are ending careers of athletes every day and the long term repercussions are becoming better known each day. The diagnosis: getting hit in the head a lot is going to ruin your life later, drive you to almost actual insanity, and make you a drooling mess by 65. Enjoy the Top Five Knock-Outs of the UFC 190 headline fighters!
Big Nog: THE LEGEND RETURNS. I guess he’s been gone for a bit – maybe a little over a year. And he is a legend but not one of those still able to compete legends but more one of those legends you have to wheel around in a wheelchair because he’s 87 years old and broken. Naturally, he fights on Saturday.
Did you know Ronda has three friends and they call themselves the “FOUR HORSEWOMEN”!??!?!?! She used a pro wrestling term (or a Biblical one but we can probably credit Flair for this one). When a real athlete mentions liking fake athletes the fake athletes feel real. You know, like how when you say you enjoy watching Jeremy Renner in Avengers and he feels like his archery skills are now appreciated.
Bethe Correia is amazing and I love her. She’s sexy in a way most aren’t. She’s totally, totally going to be massacred but at least she’ll have gotten herself a good payday. Take note guys who “let my actions speak for me but why is it that I’ve won 12 in a row but no one gives me a title shot.”
Shogun Rua also has a WARRIOR CODE! But at least his nickname is Shogun which is a kind of warrior so you can argue it’s simple an artist interpretation of his name. When you’re nickname is “Rowdy” you’re not a warrior, you’re a drunk bar patron.
Jessica Aguilar wants you to see her as a FIRST PERSON. First Person is how Brazilians refer to native people, like how Americans say American Indian or Canadians say Original Peoples or the Irish say alcoholics. Literally every single thing in that is true except the Brazilian part. Get to know a woman you don’t care about because TOMMY STOP THROWING BANANAS AT THE MONKEYS AND GET RIGHT BACK HERE NOW, MISTER!
The only thing better than fighters talking? Fighters fighting. And what’s better than fighters fighting? Fighters sparring lightly at media day and then having it all edited into a two minute deal. It’s OK to watch: it’s a zoo, he can’t be lost for long.
OK. That’s it for now. You know the drill. We’ll have coverage and all that coming up, and recaps, and normal fight week stuff.